In case you live under a rock, Beyoncé dropped her first picture with the twins on Instagram last night and everyone lost. their. freakin’. minds.
Go on Facebook or Twitter for half a second now and look at all the snark. “Belly too flat”, “she looks well rested” “well when *I* had twins”… Ladies, LADIES. Can we stop it with the smack talk now?
Look, I don’t even like Beyoncé, but I’ve had about ENOUGH of people getting all snippy over her picture with her twins. Every mother on Earth knows that’s not real life – and who gives a flying eff??? If you needed to a put a picture out that you knew would be scrutinized, dissected, torn apart within a millisecond of release…you want to tell me you wouldn’t stage some next level shit for that? Hmmmm?
Let me tell you a little story: the station my husband works at wanted a picture of us all right after Jack was born to share with the viewers and you best believe I got out of bed, took a shower, put on make-up, and TRIED to make my hair presentable. If I could have afforded a make-up/hair artist (and giant floral arch) to come over and make me look like a goddess at NY Presbyterian Hospital…you best believe I would have had one up in there. Possibly three. I mean if people want to see a happy family, you give them a happy family. Nobody wants to see video of me screaming at Roger that he better bring me a decent cup of coffee because this baby doesn’t sleep and so help me GOD the hospital coffee is crap, utter crap.
I still hate what we used:
What was I thinking??? Can someone photoshop this crap?
If I ever have another kid, I’m hiring a stylist. Beyoncé has it right with her flowing chiffon whatever that thing is she’s wearing. I wore a thrift store robe I stole from the theater company wardrobe (sorry about that guys – it was COMFORTABLE). That is not a look worth sharing and I think we all know it.
So listen up, ladies. Knock off the hate and the mother judging. ENOUGH already. If that woman wants to show her babies off to the world dressed up as Mother Mary, you let her. Some of y’all dress your babies up like peapods and nobody posts, “not real life!” on your Facebook status, do they? ( I mean I assume under that swaddle, your baby does not look like a peapod at all…) You fluff your hair and pose all sweet with the kids snuggled up in bed with you for your newborn pics a week after coming home from the hospital (like THAT’S real life???) and everyone comments “So precious!”. Right? I mean, that’s a thing. You book the photographer a week out because the baby is still sleepy and you can get all sorts of silly shots that in no way represent the sheer exhaustion of it all. Also you do not get a blow-out and full make-up every morning. Nor do you wear anything other than yoga pants for a solid three months, who are you kidding with those jeans! But I digress… ahem.
Why is it ok for all of us to do these things, but not Beyoncé?
I waited 4 months to get a decent professional picture with my kid because I COULDN’T FUCKING WALK… And I deeply appreciate every one of you who was sweet enough, polite enough, decent enough to comment, “cute photo!” and leave it at that.
A woman just wants ONE damn decent picture with her kids, ok?
You do you, and you let Beyoncé do Beyoncé. However the hell she wants to.