I’m burnt out.
Jack is sleeping horribly again. Molars? Seasonal allergies? He hates me? God only knows. We’ve tried it all so don’t tell me yet another thing that worked for your kid. We tried it, it didn’t work for us. End of story.
What’s fallen by the wayside is taking care of me. For the past few weeks I’ve been up and down with the sleepless wonder all night. And when I did sleep? The box spring squeaked every time someone rolled over. The cat found a pen to chase. Someone snored. Loudly.
Last week was a breaking point in so many ways. I sent Roger a text one afternoon that we needed an emergency date. We called the babysitter and went out for dinner. After dinner? I insisted we see a crappy movie so we could stay out later and avoid bedtime. It was worth every penny to have Jack’s sitter put him to bed. I just couldn’t do it another night. Outsourcing bedtime. You heard it here first.
After finding me in a puddle of emotions on the kitchen floor (and truthfully hearing me shout at him for a few hours about it) Roger made sure he and Jack had daddy/son time all day Sunday. They hit the playground and had lunch out. I read a book. I read a book that I have owned for a month and have desperately wanted to read. I’ve been too tired, too busy, and too mentally drained to even open it though.
I took a walk and bought myself a bottle of Coke. I adore Coca-Cola. If only I could have found Mexican Coke! C’est la vie, I made do. I went to a salon and paid someone good money to paint my toenails my favorite color, Essie A-List, while I sipped that Coke and read my book. I paid an extra $10 for extra massage.
I am worth it dammit. I am worth taking a break. If I do not take a break; I will break. I am better when I pause for a breather and remember who I am. I am Jack’s mother, yes, but I am still me and I need some time for that. And from here on out, I’ll be doing it without the side of guilt, thank you very much.
How about you, my friend? What do you need to do to feel like yourself again?
I was in no way compensated for this post – please. I do thank Cara for writing such marvelous stories though, she has no idea how much I look forward to them. If you like a good mystery that’s (BONUS!) set in Paris, check her out: www.carablack.com