“A mother is a person who seeing there are only 4 pieces of pie for 5 people… announces she never did care for pie” -Tenneva Jordan

Sorry, but I still want my piece of pie!

This quote has been making the rounds of the internet a lot lately. It pops up in my Twitter feed quite frequently – the week of Thanksgiving it was nonstop. Maybe everyone was worried they didn’t bake enough pies for company? Apparently it isn’t enough for us tweet out pictures of how wonderful we’re all doing at motherhood, now we’ve got to spit out quotes about our divine selflessness. Seriously, go search “A mother is a person” on Pinterest and you’ll find all sorts of crafty ways to put this homage to a mother’s selflessness on display. My gosh you can even put it on a cake and hopefully make your mother cry!  No really, one person has added “Your mom will cry tears of joy if you bake this for her” in the comments of their pin. I mean…really? I love my mom, but I don’t think she’d buy into this nonsense either.

Because here’s the thing, I (obviously) hate this quote. Every time I see it, I cringe and think hey, why don’t I get a piece of pie too? Why oh why must the internet preach to me about my lack of selflessness? Stop making me feel bad about myself! I mean I get it…I get it…I gave birth and love my child and family oh so much and if that pie will make them happy then GOSH DARNIT they shall have that pie.

Oh Please.

Maybe you could learn how to share, kids? Here’s how I see this going down in my house:  I 1. conduct a lesson on how the pie could have been better sliced to serve everyone. Everyone ends up with equal amounts of pie. or 2. I say that in order for everyone to have pie, they must each donate a bite/piece to my woefully empty plate. We could even have a healthy competition to see who gives mom a bigger piece, thus clearly loving her more. Again, everyone gets pie! They have pie and I have pie and everyone is happy. Hell, we probably had a math lesson on percentages and fractions while we were at it. So I’m clearly miles ahead of this mythical selfless being who denies her own desire for pie. I’m eating pie and homeschooling at the same time!

Of course, the poor woman may just be at her wits end after a long day of no naps, loads of laundry, husband home late for dinner, broken crayons, runny noses, and whining…OH MY GOD THE WHINING. She probably just looked at those four slices of pie and thought to herself, “eff it, if they eat the pie they’ll be quiet for five minutes”.

Now THAT, I’d put on a Pinterest worthy cake.